Not Knowing is Okay.

“Brilliance in a scientist does not consist in being right more often but in being wrong about more interesting topics.”

― Kent Beck

We love to be right. And we all think we’re right, all the time. You can see this in Facebook comments and endless Twitter debates. People on the Internet will argue for days about politics, religion, or anything and everything else.

These online conversations seem to expose something about the human condition: we don’t like to be wrong. Someone telling us we are wrong about something is taken as a personal attack rather than just part of a conversation. 

There are plenty of reasons why we love to be right. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel like we’ve won or like we’re better than someone else intellectually.

Being right feeds our ego. And our ego never has an empty stomach so we just keep feeding it.

Being wrong, on the other hand, can make us feel insecure. Uncertainty is scary. Not knowing can make us feel lost or confused.

But what if being right isn’t all that? What if being wrong sometimes is okay? What if being wrong is actually a good thing?

Let’s do our best to look at being right from an objective standpoint. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and you’re discussing your company’s plans for a new hotel. You have the idea to build the hotel on a certain street, but one of your colleagues argues that that particular area of the city is not in high demand for a new hotel. You continue to go back and forth about the matter until you all come to an agreement.

What really matters in this situation? Does it matter whose idea is the right one? No, it matters which location would most benefit the company.

Point being: it’s okay to be wrong or to not know. It’s okay to submit and say “yeah, maybe you can do it better”or “you’re right your idea might be more effective.”

Being right is not important. Having the answer it not important. Doing the thing that is right (whether a moral decision or a practical one) is the most important thing.

Yes, being right feels good, but objectively it just doesn’t matter in most situations. Your goal should not be to be right, rather it should be to find out the best way to do a task and use those means in doing so.

Growing up going to Christian school I was taught to believe certain things. I was not to question these beliefs or ask questions, I was to simply believe. I was taught to have faith. During chapel services the pastor would often ask “if you died today do you know for sure that’s you’d go to heaven?”

While I tried to convince myself that my answer to his question was yes, I always had this thought process going on. How am I supposed to know for sure? Is God supposed to reveal it to me or appear in a dream or a bush on fire or something? 

As I was thinking about this I’d look around the room, wondering if anyone else felt the same way. While I never had the guts to ask, my assumption is that many of the kids in the room felt the exact same way, they, like myself, we’re just scared to admit it. They, like me, felt uncertain, yet we all acted like we knew our soul’s destination.

We all fear the unknown. We love to pretend like we have the answers. Having the answers is comfy and makes us feel good. Doubt feels nasty and annoying. But what if not knowing for sure was okay too? What if asking questions and not having answers was just another part of life?

This applies to all areas of the human experience, not just religious belief. Doubt is a virtue. Not knowing is powerful. If we never have doubts or ask questions, we will never learn or grow. Change begins with doubt. Change begins when we ask if there’s a better way to do something. If we never doubt, or never think we are wrong about something, we will never improve.

If we want to be successful at anything, we must be a student first. A student does not go into a class already knowing the material, a student goes into a class with humility knowing that the teacher is superior to them in the subject matter. For us to improve in life we must admit that we are not gods, there are things we must take the time to learn. There are things we don’t know or understand. When we learn to think in this way, to walk in humility and curious doubt, we can then begin to change and become the best versions of ourselves.

Stop Trying to be Remembered

“The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.”
― Criss Jami

We all want to be somebody. We all want the cool job title. When someone asks us what we do for a career we want to say: I’m a writer, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m the head of a Fortune 500 Company, I’m [fill in the blank].

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be somebody, but when wanting to be somebody i.e. (wanting recognition and praise) becomes more important than the actual work we do, there is a terrible problem. When our personal reputation is more important to us than our work itself, our work will suffer.

If we let out reputation take a front seat, everything we do will become a sort of image control. We’ll stop caring so much about how our work impacts others or makes the world better, and start to only care about the way it makes us look.

So many of us want the attention, the recognition, or the fame but we care little about the work itself. We just want to feel important but we don’t really want our work to be important.

We all have a choice. We can choose to chase fame, wanting to be noticed and given attention, or we can choose to be influential, where the things we do, whether we get acknowledgment for them or not, actually make an impact on society.

This choice does not only apply to those who are in the public light. It is not only for politicians and professional musicians. It applies to all of us. No matter how public our life is or how important our work is, we all have the same choice to make.

Fame or influence

Being or doing

Recognition or impact

When I was young I attended church fairly often. There we many occasions when the pastor would ask the question “what do you want to be remembered for?” At the time I thought it was a good question. But now I’m having second thoughts.

The intention behind the question is good. It is meant to make you reconsider the way you are living in light of how people will remember you when you are dead and gone. But what if we could as the same type of question, but in a better more useful way?

How about… what kind of influence do you want to have in your life?

This question may seem the same on the surface but it is really quite different. The question the pastor asked was very self-centered, what do you want people to remember you for? It is essentially a question about reputation.

My question, on the other hand, is a question based on action and accomplishment. What kind of influence do you want to have? How will your actions impact your community?

It doesn’t matter what people remember you for, you’re going to be dead anyways. What matters is doing something that changes people. Doing something that will make the world better, even if it’s something that seems small and insignificant.

This desire to be influential should not be driven by ego either. You shouldn’t want to do things that have a positive influence because it will make you seem important, you should do so because the work is important.

Are you willing to risk your reputation for the sake of your work? Are you willing to stop chasing fame so that you can be truly influential?

If so, let’s keep the conversation going in the comments!

Little Things are Big Things

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. 

~ Arthur Conan Doyle, The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes, #4)

When we talk about being successful we like to talk about our big goals and our dreams. Things like publishing a book, getting that promotion or making a certain amount of money. This type of thinking is not bad in and of itself, but it often makes us feel like the small things we do are worthless.

This is simply not true.

The little things are equally, if not more, important than the big things.

If we do not do the little things correctly our whole project will likely fall apart. For example, if you’re writing a book, taking time to edit every chapter may seem like a chore. It may even feel like a waste of time. It’s not really helping you make money and it might even be pushing back your release date.

In the long run, however, having a well-edited book will help you be more successful. If your book is full of errors, you will lose trust with you readers and they will likely not purchase the next book that you write. As an author, the trust of your readers is one of your greatest assets, if you lose their trust it will be hard to get it back.

The little things, like editing a book, are often boring and tiresome. They can even seem pointless. But in the end game, they may be the difference between your project being a success or a failure.

Let’s look at another example.

I’m an avid fan of hip hop music. I even occasionally make beats on my laptop.

If you were to sit down and talk to any popular music producer like Mike Dean or Noah “40” Shebib, they would likely stress how important the little things are when producing music. Music producers take great pride in their craft and pay great attention to the littlest of details.

If you only listen to music on iPhone headphones you may not have experienced this as much as the rest of us. Try listening to music on a good pair of studio headphones. There’s so much more to a musical piece than what you might be hearing.

Producers spend so much time perfecting every bass line and making sure the timing of every snare is on point. We should do the same for our respective crafts.

Everything you do that has to do with your craft should be taken seriously. You should never look at part of a project as just some simple or menial task. Every little thing is important. The little things are the big things.

Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of carelessness. Do not get to the point where you are treating your work like a chore. Everything you do is important to your success.

Strive for excellence in all things that you do even some aspects seem pointless. Take your work seriously, even the parts of it that annoy you or stress you out. Care about your craft, care about every detail.

Do your best work, even if you’re not making an abundance of money or getting notoriety. Have the humility and awareness to treat your work as more important than your reputation. Do the things that will go unnoticed with the same care as the things you do on stage. Only then will your work flourish.

Care about the little things. Care about the nuisances. Care about details.

Because, in the end, little things are big things.

The Path Towards Authenticity and Finding my Artistic Voice

For the bulk of my blogging “career” I’ve found myself writing the type of articles I think other people want to read. I’ve been writing the sorts of blog posts that seem to get good amounts of traffic.

I have stolen (in an artistic sense) from other articles and writers that I respect or emulate. That is part of the writing process, gathering information and using the work of others to inspire yours. But I am at a point where I want to do this less. Now I want to find my own voice.

I’ve found myself trying so hard to be like other self-improvement writers. I just wanted to “make it.” Desiring to get a certain amount of views on my website or get a certain amount of shares on social media. Now I’ve realized that “making it” is pointless if you do so in an inauthentic way.

Allow me to explain myself.

I consider writing, even of the non-fiction genre, to be an art. Just as much of an art as painting, sculpting, or poetry.

Art is best done in an authentic and free flowing way, as an extension of the artist. Art is at its worst when it is mended based on market value or the attention-seeking of the artist.

Much of my writing in the last year or so has, in my current opinion, been driven by ego and/or insecurity.

I wanted to see my name on websites. 

I wanted to get click bait shares on social media.

I wanted to feel and look successful.

My writing was coming from this place of ego and validation-seeking, rather than a place of honest creativity and advice-giving.

This is probably a result of my maturity when it comes to blogging. I am still very new to the craft and have not yet found my artistic voice. I don’t really know who I am as a writer.

Despite this fact, the direction of this blog is going to change. I will be spending more time really finding topics that are more engaging and helpful. I’m going to put in the time and effort necessary to create a good product.

I ,in no way, regret anything I have written over the last few months, I do, however, feel like I’m in a new place as a person. I no longer think that an article about “5 Apps for College Students” is really helpful or needed on the internet anymore. If you want to find articles about helpful apps, just Google it, don’t waste your time on this site.

I’m no longer going to force content onto this blog. I probably won’t be posting every week anymore. I’ll only be posting when I write something I think is actually constructive.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure if I’m even qualified to give any of the advice I give. I still live with my parents, I don’t have a job, I’m in college (but my parents are paying for it), and I’m by no standard successful.

At the same time, I’ve experienced things most people my age have not. I’ve been to eight countries, I’ve read a good amount of books about a wide range of subjects, and I’ve experienced and worked through depression and anxiety for the bulk of my young life.

I’m not a self-help guru, a millionaire, or even a college graduate, I’m just some kid trying to find his way through life. Trying to find himself in a world that never fails to be baffling, for both good and bad reasons.

So, my dear reader, how is this article helpful to you at all?

Well, maybe it isn’t. Or maybe it is. I’m not going to let my insecurity about whether or not you like what I write to control me.

Maybe it would be helpful to ask yourself, as I have, am I being authentic in what I create? Am I doing what I do (blogging, business, school, etc.) because I want to or because I’m seeking some sort of validation?

Let’s, for a moment,  shift this conversation about authenticity out of the blogging world and into something more relatable.

I’ve been going to the gym off and on for about a year. When I do go, it’s often because I feel social pressure.

All my friends go to the gym.  

If I go I’ll be considered cool.

If someone asks if I work out, I can actually say yes. That should earn me some points, right?

If I decided that I wanted to go to the gym because I actually wanted to get in shape because I care about my health I’d probably go more consistently.

Point being: anything done for the sake of validation or attention is often done badly or falls apart when you fail to feel validated or receive attention from doing said thing.

Validation is vain. It is only when you begin to get it that you realize how empty it is.

People might like what you’re doing, people might praise you for what you’ve done, but if your heart and soul are not into what you’re doing you won’t feel good about it, at least not for a very long.

Validation works at first. Your ego grows and you begin to feel good about yourself. But eventually, you will realize that the good words of others don’t mean as much as you thought they did. You will come to a place where your conscious will tear apart everything that you do.

When you’re living in a non-authentic way, you often know it but you seldom admit it.

Admittance is the first step, and probably the hardest one. It hurts to admit your faultiness. To admit that you might not be doing things for the right reasons.

If you’re still struggling with this idea that authenticity might not be for you, let’s look at a few more examples.

When someone who is gay and decides to come out of the closet, they say that they feel free. They feel free because they can be who they are. They don’t have to hide or wear a mask anymore.

The same is to be said about people who come out about their mental illness. I have social anxiety. Although I haven’t explained it to my parents, I have had conversations about it with a friend and written about it on the Internet.

The more I’m open about my internal struggle with anxiety and depression, the more liberated I feel.

The more open and authentic we are, the easier it is for us to grow. Authenticity brings progress, in business and in relationships.

In recent memory, businesses have begun to become more transparent and public about their finances and business interactions in general.

Why?

Generally, it is because it makes companies more trustworthy. Customers can actually see where their money is going and what it is being used for.

Transparency always allows for a great level of trust. This is why I have written this blog post, I want to give my readers more trust towards me. I want to show them that I am doing what I think is right and that I will continue to write this way.

Maybe this blog post isn’t helpful to you. Maybe what I’m saying doesn’t really make any sense. And I’m totally okay with that.

My goal is to write well and write righteously. By that, I mean that I wish to write in a way that is both well formulated and with a backbone. Writing that comes from both my mind of mind’s and my soul of soul’s.

I’m on a mission to find my authentic voice. I am not there yet, and that’s fine. I don’t know what kind of writer I want to be, and I’m okay with that, and I hope you are too.

My hope is that this article was helpful to you. If it was, please keep the discussion going in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

8 Ways to Improve your Mindfulness & Self-Awareness

mind•full•ness

{noun}
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness in the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and acknowledging one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

In a world full of noise and distractions, it is hard to be mindful. It is hard to be present.We are constantly being bombarded with information as well as social pressures to be ___ or do ___.

It is hard to be mindful in the world of smartphones, high-speed internet, and Netflix, but it is not impossible.

In this article, I’m going to give you several techniques you can use to improve your mindfulness on a daily basis. Mindfulness, like any other skill, takes practice.

1. Meditate

Meditation is perhaps the easiest and most efficient way to improve your mindfulness. Meditation allows us to learn how to be present and teaches us how to monitor our thought patterns.

I have been practicing meditation for about four months now and it has proven extremely helpful. I have found myself feeling less anxious and stressed on a day-to-day basis.

During meditation, you focus all your attention on either your breath or your bodily sensations. Doing so allows you to be completely present, rather than getting lost in thoughts about the past or future.

If you are new to meditation, I recommend checking out an app called Calm.

2. Do Nothing

A huge part of mindfulness is becoming more aware of how you think. You can do this by simply sitting down and your room and letting your mind run. It may be best to do this by staring at one spot on your wall, that way you don’t get distracted.

Take time to pay attention to your thoughts.

What are you thinking about?

Your to-do list?

What you did last night?

The more we quiet down and listen to our thoughts, the more aware we will become of them, and with awareness comes the ability to change the way we think.

3. Savor Your Food

Often when we sit down to eat we are either watching television or on our smartphones. We get so focused on what other people are doing that we don’t even take the time to really taste what we’re eating.

Next time you eat, just eat. Take time to really enjoy your food.

This is a great way to practice being present. Even more so, it will help you generate gratitude for the food you have on the table.

4. Do One Thing at a Time

To truly be present means to have our minds fully engaged in what we are doing right now. This is impossible if we are trying to do multiple things at once. In fact, the attention span of humans has become even shorter in the age of social media, according to the Telegraph.

Here are a few ways you can practice doing one thing at a time:

• Don’t listen to music when you clean. Practice just cleaning. This will help you learn to live in the moment.

• When you’re working, turn off your phone if possible. You don’t want to be scrolling through Twitter while you’re doing a project.

• When you’re with a group of friends, do your best to really listen to every word they are saying. Be fully engaged in the conversation, rather than letting your mind carry you to another place.

5. Keep a Journal

Another way to become more aware of your thought parents it to keep a journal. When you journal, just put whatever is in your mind into the page. No filter.

After your finish writing, look back on what you wrote. What does it tell you about yourself? Are you thinking mostly negatively or positively?

The more self-aware we are the more mindful we can become.

6. Quite Down Your Life

Like I mentioned in the introduction, our lives are constantly becoming more complicated as we are feed more and more information.

One way to stay mindful in this era of distractions is to learn to quiet down your life. Set time aside to escape from the news and social media. Take time to go on a walk or sit outside.

Sometimes it is wise to turn off the television and music and just sit down and read a book.

When we learn to quiet down, and at times power down,  we can finally become truly present.

7. Get Out of Your Own Head

The opposite of being present is to be lost in thought. It is important that you learn to get out of your own head and live in the present moment.

You can accomplish this through meditation and through simply redirecting your attention in a given situation.

Here’s an example.

You are reading a book but you keep thinking about a test your have tomorrow. Simply and gently redirect your attention onto the book and stop thinking about the test.

This is not easy, but with practice, you can improve.

It is important that you don’t become angry with yourself during this process. Mindfulness is nothing without self-compassion. When you find yourself being distracting, gently bring yourself back to the present moment, extending loving-kindness towards yourself.

8. Don’t Let Your Thoughts Control You

For a long time, I believed that I was in control of my thoughts and that it was my responsibility to think the right way.

Now I’ve realized that thoughts, for the most part, are fluid. They are not really under our control. They come and go no matter what.

Because of this, the most important way to overcome negative thoughts is not to change the thoughts themselves, but to change the way you look at them. If you begin to realize that your thoughts are just a stream of consciousness, you can start to stop believing thoughts that prove to be untrue or not useful.

For more information on why we cannot control our own thoughts, check out this article from the Scientific American.

Closing Thoughts

The more mindful you become the easier it will be for you to be productive and happy. Living in the moment is the best way to live. If your mind is focused on the past or present, you will not be able to enjoy the beauty of now.

Now is the only thing you can change. Now is the only time that really matters.

5 Lessons from Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers

As detailed in my post from July 8,  I have committed to reading a book every month. My book for July was Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. I recently finished the book (I started it in June), and I must say it was amazing.

Outliers is a book about success, more specifically it is about why certain individuals or groups are able to achieve success while others are not. Gladwell supports each of his claims about success with research from psychologists as well as examples of success such as Microsoft founder Bill Gates.

The book is fabulously written and filled with engaging stories from history. Gladwell does an excellent job at writing content that is both enjoyable and informational.

In this post I will detail some of the major lessons I learned from reading the book.

1. Success is Not Just About Hard Work

Our culture teaches us that success is the product of one thing: hard work. All you have to do is pull yourself up by your bootstraps and you’ll find success. But what if it isn’t that simple?

In the first chapters of Outliers, Gladwell explains how much opportunity plays into success. He argues that success is not simply the product of how hard you work, but also of what kind of opportunities and privileges you are afforded by society.

My favorite example of this is Bill Gates, who is one of the most successful entrepreneurs of our era. Many of us know that Gates created innovative computer software and started the technology giant Microsoft. What many don’t know is that Gates was afforded several special opportunities as a child.

Gates began computer programming at the age of thirteen and had access to programming tools adults of the time could only dream of. He was able to put in hours of practice that others in his field had no access to.

He was also born at the perfect time, right when major changes were happening in the area of computer technology.

If Gates had not been afforded these opportunities, it would be impossible for him to be as successful as he is today.

Due to this fact, I think it is important that each of us alter our definition of success. Here’s our current definition in the form of a mathematical formula:

Now here’s our new definition of success in a similar format:

This is a more sober and honest definition of success. One that helps explain success in a world where not everyone is treated equally or afforded the same privileges.

Here’s a short quote from the book that sums this point up well:

“Success is not a random act. It arises out of a predictable and powerful set of circumstances and opportunities…” p. 155

2. Practice is Vital

In chapter 2 of Outliers, Gladwell introduces something he calls the 10,000-hour rule. Basically, the what Gladwell says is that it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice in order to become an expert in any field.

Although there has been researching that debunks Gladwell’s rule (more on that here), the principle still holds weight.

It is one thing to be given amazing opportunities to be successful, it is another to make the most of those opportunities.

In order to become great at anything, you have to put in the time and effort to improve.

Sports are an excellent example. To improve at a sport, let’s say basketball, you need to put in the time to hone your skills. You must continue to perfect your shooting form and ball handling. You will never become a great basketball player until you put in the time and effort required to improve.

This principle is also true of writing, which is why I try to spend time every day practicing my craft. If I want to be the best writer I can possibly be, I have to practice my writing intentionally and for an extended period of time and on a consistent basis.

3. Talent is a Myth

Let’s return to basketball for a moment.

When we see great players achieving great feats we call them talented. But is talent really behind their success as a basketball player?

Well let me ask you this. Think of the greatest basketball player you know, it could be a professional player or someone you know on a personal level, now think about how long they’ve been playing basketball. Probably since they were five or six or possibly even younger.

Because they have put so much time into the game of basketball, it shouldn’t be a surprised that they are so great.

At the same time, you are more likely to be a great basketball player if you’re tall. But is being tall the same thing as being talented? Tallness is not a talent, it’s a genetic trait. It’s not a choice… it’s a… privilege, or maybe even an opportunity.

Many great basketball players have also been granted special opportunities like playing in summer leagues or on youth all-star teams, where they can learn from better coaches and practice against better players.

Point being: there is no genetic trait that will make you great at basketball. There’s no such thing as being born to play. There are only opportunities and hours of practice that lead to skill and ability.

Another theme Gladwell touches on is IQ. He shares that there are individuals with sky high IQ’s that are poor and miserable while there are individuals with low IQ’s that are happy and/or wealthy.

Although IQ is solely genetically based (you can’t change it) it still does not determine what level of success you will have.

4. The Definition of Fulfilling Work

There are a few points in Outliers where Malcolm Gladwell mentions this idea of meaningful work. Although it is not necessarily one of the key points of the book, it was a major takeaway for me.

To get an idea of what meaningful work means, here’s a quote from the book:

“Those three things – autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward – are, most people agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it is to be satisfying.” p. 149

Here’s another:

“It’s not how much money we make that ultimately makes us happy between nine and five. It’s whether or not our work fulfills us.” p. 149-150

According to Gladwell, fulfilling and satisfying work consists of three things: autonomy, complexity, and connection between effort and reward.

When we think about our dream jobs, they always consist of those three things.

We want:

1. Control over our own destiny (autonomy)
2. Something with variety that will not bore us (complexity)
3. Something that will keep us working hard, even when we don’t feel like it (the connection between effort and reward)

The crazy thing is, the amount of money we make does not determine whether or not we find our work satisfying. It isn’t about the dollar amount, it’s about whether or not we find our work meaningful.

5. The Importance of Cultural Backgrounds and Legacies

In the last few chapter of Outliers, Gladwell speaks of cultural legacies. He shares that where we come from (our family and cultural background) matters.

For example, have you ever wondered why Asians are so good at math (at least according to the stereotype)?

Gladwell argues that the answer can be found by looking back at the history of Chinese agriculture.

In China, family’s grow rice on their farms. They extremely work hard to keep weeds out and even have to wake up early in the morning to care for their rice crops.

Their culture of hard work can be summarized in the following proverb:

“No one who can rise before dawn three hundred sixty days a year fails to make his family rich.”

Gladwell argues that this type of thinking, the work ethic and endurance of Chinese workers, is what contributes to their proficiency in math.

He argues that hard work is ingrained in Asian culture. Asians are good at math because they choose to put the work in to understand. And they choose to put the work in because that is the way they’ve been taught to live and act.

It is important to be aware of other’s backgrounds and cultures, especially here in the U.S. where there is so much diversity. Learning to respect and understand other cultures is vital to success in the business world and in personal relationships.

Closing Thoughts

Outliers was nothing short of excellent. It changed the way I view success and helped me to realize how much of a role circumstance and opportunity play into success.

It is a book I would highly recommend. As I mentioned in the introduction to this post, it is entertaining while at the same time being informative, and at times even transformative.

If you’ve read Outliers, what were some things that you took away from it? How much of a role do you think opportunity plays into success? Do you buy into the idea that talent is a myth?

Have any book recommendations?

Continue the discussion in the comments!

 

4 Reasons You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

 

Growing up I was very insecure and struggled with social anxiety. One of the reasons I was struggling with my self-image was because I kept comparing myself with my friends and classmates. I would think things like “I’ll never be as smart as her” or “I’ll never be as strong as him.”

This act of comparison contributed to a constant feeling of insecurity and inferiority. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. Now that I have grown older, I have come to the realization that I should do all that is in my power to stop comparing myself to others.

As I began to implement this into my life, I began to feel happier and more comfortable in my own skin. I began to appreciate the talents of others rather than covet them. I began to love myself for who I am rather than wishing I could be like someone else.

It is common practice to compare ourselves with other people. We compare our athletic abilities, grades, salaries, and even our friendships. Comparison is a part of human nature, but very often comparison will leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied.

Here are a few reasons why you should stop comparing ourselves with other people:

1. You Will Become Unhappy With Yourself

“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt

Like I mentioned earlier, I struggled with my self-image growing up. As I continued to compare myself more with others I began to feel increasingly miserable.

When we compare ourselves to others we often only compare our worst qualities with the best qualities of other people. We just look at their highlight reel. If we only look at the highlights of other people’s lives we will begin to feel insecure or ashamed of our everyday doings.

For example, I might be scrolling through Facebook and see that one of my friends went to India for vacation during spring break. After seeing this I might start thinking something similar to, “I wish I had done something that fun for spring break. All I did was stay at home and watch Netflix.”

These types of comparisons will leave you feeling like you’re not good enough.

In reality, my friend probably had a great time in India, but he also had many boring moments at his home just like I did. It just so happens that he didn’t post about those terribly boring moments on social media.

2. You Will Become Jealous

When we compare ourselves to others it is easy to become jealous of their achievements, abilities, or popularity.

You might have a friend that is a successful businesswoman. Maybe she makes twice as much as you do. If you compare yourself to her you will likely begin to feel secure. You might start thinking things like “why don’t I make as much money as her? I work just as hard.”

You will likely begin to feel jealous and start to harbor envy against your friend. This will begin to separate yourself from her and you will likely build up enmity against your friend.

In high shcool I loved to play basketball. I spent hours learning about the game and honing my skills, but the joy of the game was often snatched from me and replaced with feelings of jealousy.

I would look at my competition or even my teammates and hate the fact that they were better than me. I would sit around and think about how hard I worked, and how much I deserved to play more minutes or get more attention.

If I had just focused on doing everything I could to help my team whether than worrying about being the center of attention, I probably would’ve enjoyed playing the sport much more than I did. More importantly, I would’ve been able to bond much better with my teammates.

3. Your Friends Will Become Enemies

Let’s go back to the businesswoman illustration.

Eventually this jealousy you have been building up towards your successful friend to will cause to dislike your her. After a certain amount of time, you will begin avoiding her or arguing with her. Soon enough you may even begin to fight with her and your friendship could fall apart.

This is a vicious cycle that could all be avoided if we simply learned to stop comparing ourselves with others.

Jealousy leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. And hatred, as we all know, leads to the dark side.

4. You Will Stop Growing as a Person

Finally, comparison has the potential to paralyze you. You may end up feeling hopeless and thinking that you’ll never be as cool, funny, or successful as the people you compare yourself with.

These thoughts usually lead to apathy. We start to feel like we won’t amount to anything and that we might as well just sit around and let life happen to us. It can make us hopelessly passive rather than proactive.

When we get into this mindset we must realize that we are not the person we are comparing ourselves. I am me, and you are you. You have to decide what you really want in life. Who do you really want to be?

When we figure our who we are and what we want out of life, we can begin living our own lives rather than trying to be someone else. You never want to catch yourself chasing someone else’s dream.

Let’s close with a quote taken from Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations that addresses this point better than I ever could:

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”

 

4 Benefits of Journaling

There is often a sort of negative stigma when people say that they keep a journal. Many will make jokes about how you write in your “dairy” about the girl you like. In truth, most people that journal don’t write about their crush and probably wouldn’t care if you called their journal a diary (because, sadly, they are pretty much the same thing).

In reality, journaling is not just for super sensitive people who write about their feelings. Journaling has been proven to have positive effects that we all should take into account.

Below I have listed a few of those benefits that I think are relevant to this blog and to you, my readers:

1. Helps Improve your Writing and Communication Skills

As a writer, I often write in my journal as a means to practice my craft. Journaling is fun because it is a carefree form of writing, there is no pressure to share or publish the things that I write. It all stays within my journal.

Most writers keep journals and write in them every day. This is a great practice for anyone who wants to improve their skills with words.

Journaling has not only been linked to better writing skills but also to better communication skills in general. According to the Huffington Post , improving your writing has a direct correlation to improving your vocal communication.

So with journaling, you can kill two birds with one stone (or in this case, one notebook).

2. Increases Creativity

When we journal we are writing down our thoughts without a filter, this allows for creativity and new ideas to spring up.

Journaling is extremely helpful when trying to beat writer’s block. As a writer, I often put too much pressure on myself to write well. Journaling allows me the freedom to write exactly what I want the way that I want.

This is freeing and can lead to me feeling inspired and ready to write on my computer. It is also a helpful way for me to generate ideas for blog posts.

3. Reduces Stress

Laying out our emotions on a page can be very therapeutic. Writing about negative experiences can often help us further discover why a certain event hurt us so much. Journaling can help us grasp these negative experiences and turn them around for good.

Expressing yourself is often the best way to let go of negativity. When we let our negative emotions just sit inside of us they often destroy us, but when we share or express them we get relief.

Think of journaling as a type of conversation with yourself. You are explaining to yourself why you feel a certain way. It’s basically a form of therapy without the actual therapist.

4. Helps You Know Yourself Better

By far the biggest benefit of journaling is that it allows you to know yourself better.

Like I alluded to in my previous point, journaling can help us identify negative thought patterns. In short, journaling can teach us about the way we think.

After you journal, look back and read what you wrote. Here you can see exactly what you were thinking at that moment (this is why it is important to journal without a filter).

Journaling can also help you learn about your dreams, ambitions, and desires.

People often say that whatever it is that your mind wonders to when you are alone is the thing you want most in life. This is true and you can figure out what this thing is by writing in your journal.

When we express ourselves through writing, we often like to tell about the things we want. This is helpful because many of us don’t actually know what we want, but we can learn through journaling.

What Should you Write About?

Now that you know that there are several benefits to journaling, the next logical thing to ask is: what should I write about?

The simple answer is anything.

Anything that comes to your mind, whether it’s about a memory, a person you just met, or a movie you want to see.

Most people like to reflect on their day when they journal. This is a helpful way to evaluate your way of living and generate gratitude for the things you have.

When I journal, I just write anything and everything that comes to my mind. Often times I find myself jumping around to several different thoughts. This is not a bad thing because journaling is simply a way for us to express what we are thinking and feeling at that moment.

I have been journaling for about two years and have seen these benefits show themselves in my life. For this reason, I recommend journaling for everyone no matter your age, gender, or occupation.

There you have it, several of the best benefits of journaling.

Have you noticed any other benefits from keeping your own journal?

If so, let me know in the comments!

Chance the Rapper & the Power of Optimism

On May 12 Chicago raised hip-hop artist Chance the Rapper released his newest mixtape Coloring Book. The project has received great reception and peaked at #8 on the United States Billboard charts.

The most noted aspect of the project has been the optimistic and spiritual undertones. The music is fun, positive, and can even make you feel like a kid again. This seems to be one of Chance’s goals with the mixtape, he wants you to “make you remember how to smile good.”

Positive music continues to grow more popular. Whether it’s Kendrick Lamar or J. Cole, songs like “i” and “Love Yourz” are some of my favorites. It is not a surprise that positivity is attractive, especially in the negative world we live in where people complain so much more than they laugh.

If positive music is so popular, why don’t we embrace its message in our daily lives? Why does the positivity need to stay within the music?

The short answer is that positivity is hard to come by. There’s so much to be pessimistic about: the weather, your job, politicians.

But what if we learned how to be more optimistic? What would be the result?

Well, optimism has several benefits. The first being that it makes you extremely likable. Who wants to be around negative people?

Let’s go back to Chance. If his music had a different message do you think it would be as popular?

He’d still have tons of fans due to his talent and raw ability to rap, but I would argue that he wouldn’t be receiving this much mainstream attention without the optimism factor.

The positivity is the main reason I like Chance’s new project as much as I do.

Optimism draws people to you because it is something you can share. If you think and live positively, it has a profound influence on the people around you. Optimism is contagious.

Being optimistic also helps you deal with failure. When faced with a project that falls apart or a plan that doesn’t work out, optimism helps you look at setbacks in a positive light. When you are optimistic you can see failure as a means to learn rather than letting it impede your success.

Optimism is also good for your health because it counteracts negative emotions like stress and anxiety.

According to Psychology Today optimists have lower cortisol levels than pessimist.

They wrote the following after making observations about a study conducted at Concordia University:

“pessimists tend to have a higher stress baseline than optimists. Pessimists generally [have] trouble regulating their sympathetic nervous system when they go through stressful experiences. The inability to look on the bright side causes cortisol to stay constantly elevated.”

People who are optimistic are also more likely to exercise and have healthy diets. This does not require much explaining. If you have a positive outlook on life you are more likely to care about your health and overall quality of living.

In conclusion, it is important to remember that optimism is a choice. It is not something that just comes and goes naturally. It is also not based on circumstances.

Optimists don’t ignore negative things, they simply search for the good that is hiding within the bad.

Positive thinking can change your life in so many ways. The more we look at life as a gift rather than something we are entitled to, the more we will enjoy it.

Let’s remember how to smile good.

The True Definition of Courage & the Only Way to Overcome your Fears

The True Definition of Courage

For so long I thought that courage meant the absence of fear. When adults in my life would tell me stories about great heroes, whether historical or otherwise, I often pictured them as people who were never afraid of anything. I imagined them as immortal and above me. These folks were never afraid of failing or looking funny.

My definition of courage as a child was something like this: the super power that I wish I could have.

As a child, it is easy to believe such things, but as you grow older you begin to realize something: everyone is just as scared as I am. From Olympic Athletes to soldiers in the military, everyone experiences fear. Being afraid is a natural part of being human.

With this in mind, I think it is appropriate for us to change our definition of courage. Although I’m not a huge fan of simple dictionary definitions, my man Noah Webster did an excellent job on this one:

Turns out even the dictionary had a better definition for courage than I did, who knew?

Courage is literally the ability to face your fears. This means that we are all capable of great courage.

How to Overcome Your Fears

In fact, the only way to overcome any fear is to face it head on. This isn’t just something that people say because it sounds good, it is actually backed by science.

I’m going to use an example from my life to illustrate this.

I struggle with social anxiety, which, in layman’s terms, is the fear of social interaction. In reality, people with social anxiety are afraid of rejection. We are afraid that if we share our true selves with others, they will be disgusted.

There are several treatment options for social anxiety, but the one truly effective form of treatment is something called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Here’s a quick definition of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, as the defined by the experts at the Social Anxiety Institute:

“The cognitive part of the therapy refers to thinking or learning and is the part of therapy that can be ‘taught’ to the person. The person then needs to take what has been taught, practice it at home, and through means of repetition, get that new ‘learning’ down into the brain over and over again so that becomes automatic or habitual… The behavioral component of CBT involves participation in an active, structured therapy group, consisting of people with clinical social anxiety. In the behavioral group, people voluntarily engage in practical activities that are mildly anxiety-causing and proceed in a flexible, steady, scheduled manner. By moving forward in this manner, step by step, and through the use of repetition, the anxiety felt in social situations is gradually reduced.”

Okay so maybe that doesn’t count as a ‘quick’ definition…

We’re going to focus on the behavioral component of the therapy in our discussion.

As someone with social anxiety, the only way to overcome my anxiety is to face the very things that make me feel anxious. This may include things like starting a conversation with a stranger or speaking up in a large group.

This part of the therapy is often called exposure. The name says it all, you are exposing yourself to the things you are afraid of.

This type of treatment work with other types of phobias as well.

Arachnophobia, for example, is also curable with the help of exposure therapy.

In 2012, Science Illustrated reported a study conducted at Northwest University where 12 arachnophobes went through exposure therapy. During the therapy, participants were shown images of spiders and were taught about how to approach them. After just one three-hour session, many of the patients were able to go as far as to hold a spider in their bare hands.

Changing our Relationship with Fear

It’s one thing to know that facing your fears will help you overcome them, it’s a whole nother monster to actually face them in real life.

One of the most important steps in this process is to change your relationship with fear.

Often times we associate fear with negative things. I am afraid of doing ______ so I probably shouldn’t do it.

In reality, our fear often points to something we should be chasing, not running away from. Fear is a great compass that can point you to what you really want.

Most of the time we are most afraid of what we really want because it involves some level of risk.

You might be afraid to start a business because you don’t want to end up looking like a failure.

You might not want to ask the person you like out on a date because you’re afraid of being rejected. 

You might be afraid to express yourself because you don’t want to look like a fool. 

Do you see how fear can serve as a great ally? Use your fear to help you, rather than letting it control you. Next time you are afraid to take a step towards a goal or do something that seems crazy, use your fear as a compass and dive right in.